Who Am I?
I am Tali Ramsey, a writer, filmmaker and millennial born in the 90s. Over the past decade, I have begun navigating real adulthood in a hyper-connected world and the relationships that come with this time of life and context. Learning to prioritise and filter to choose the right people is a skill that I’ve acquired in order to build strong connections. Who to connect with and how to do it is important to me.
The last 10 years has been a time of immense change in our society – good and bad. A great deal of that change has affected how people relate to each other. I am a member of the first generation born into a hyper-digital world. This means that we are tech and connection savvy. Coupled with our earning power, buying power, and audience power, this makes us a a force. In short, my generation can exert real influence on society. So how we relate to each other and the world is crucial.
Our Digital Networks: Truth and Authenticity
Despite our huge digital networks, millennials have realized that it is a minefield out there. There are dangers to be dodged and opportunities to be grasped. To do this, we have learnt to develop an efficient filtering system which creates real and authentic connections to move us forward through life. Moreover, to help others to do so as well.
We know the importance of having a group of people we can draw on to support us. We have learnt hard lessons by observing the generation that has gone before us. We’ve learnt from our own mistakes. We want truth and authenticity. We want real relationships, real connections – in short progress!
What Constitutes a Good Relationship?
In my early teens, I felt that romantic relationships were the penultimate form of human connection. This was until I left home and my family to start a career in a different part of the country. I found myself without a support group. One person, a boyfriend possibly, would not have filled that void. I had freshly landed in a big city and left my old life behind. I was single and friendless. I didn’t even have many social media connections, not that it would’ve been any consolation. I had no real connections to any other human being in the entire metropolis that I lived in. It bothered me. Daydreams of romantic rendezvous were replaced by a longing for a group of deep connections, that is friends. I desired human ‘friendship connection’!
Being in this position made me re-evaluate how I live. Having no connections left me vulnerable. Since then, I have put serious effort into finding and retaining good friends. Feeling like a ghost while walking through a city full of clusters of friends and people that knew each other was a good lesson and not one that I would like to repeat. It has taught me about the importance of meaningful connections.
Meaningful relationships in all forms that develop trust, respect, shared interests and values and the ability to be agreeable are important. I’ve discovered that these are characteristics that can be enjoyed in any type of relationship, be it romantic, platonic or work-related. These relationships are important to my survival whether career or personal.
Meaningful Relationships Are Found Through a Filtering System
The world is full of people but only a select few of them become your lifelong friends or partners. Meeting and keeping good relationships requires an efficient filtering system. You need to set the bar high. Seeking out genuine, reliable and trustworthy people is the key to successful partnerships and more than ever before, as a society, we value getting to the truth about each other before forming any type of committed bonds and relationships.
My filtering system involves relying on my instincts, sharpened by my experience of being born into a hyper-connected world, to detect who is worth connecting with. Having said that, it isn’t always reliable. So, to a certain degree, I take a chance and get to know people and if they let me down, I cut them off.
At the end of a decade and the start of a new one, I see an increased emphasis on finding sincere networks. How have we got to this point?
A Decade of Cultural Change
There have been many changes over the last decade, and just like everything else in our culture, the way that we form relationships has evolved. We are no longer solely focused on seeking out a romantic partner to share the rest of our lives with. Instead, people are increasingly recognizing the benefits of connecting with multiple people throughout their lifetimes and retaining many different types of relationships.
Lifelong partnership within marriage is no longer the sole natural order of living. In its place? A booming “relationship network”. In the UK, only 50.5% of people aged 16 years and above are married which is a number that has continued to decrease over the years. In the US, the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) predicts that 45% of working women aged 25 to 44 will be single by 2030. But what has influenced this change over the last decade?
Feminism Entered Its Fourth Wave
Feminism is now experiencing its fourth wave. Kicking off at the beginning of the decade, unlike the prior waves that focused on attaining equal rights, this latest wave coming in at the start of 2012 was all about empowering women across all aspects of society.
Wikipedia describes this wave as a cause that fights to dismantle power systems that negatively affect all marginalized groups. Movements such as #MeToo (October 2017) and the Women’s March (January 2017) were centred on abuses of power directed toward women but this generation of feminists are just as passionate about men being able to express their emotions and be freed from their own gender expectations as they are about the liberation of women.
In reaction to this, antifeminism rose which is centred on the idea that society is better when the family structure remains traditional with women raising children and taking care of the home. Antifeminists see powerful and liberated women as a threat to civilization.
As women embraced a new type of liberation, the emphasis on traditional relationships decreased and networks of support amongst women rose. Whether through monumental movements like the Women’s March or growing closer together through sharing similar stories of abuse, relationships were born out of shared experience and desire for change.
New Relationships Became Simply a Swipe Away
With the creation of dating app Tinder in 2012, potential partners became increasingly accessible and dating was forever changed. Through apps, people were allowed to set filters to find their ideal connections. Networking app Bumble was created in 2014 and provides a three-in-one service where users can date as well as connect with potential new friends and find business networking opportunities.
In this year, we discovered that the average relationship only lasts two years and nine months. Though, we are more in control and have more freedom to make choices when it comes to getting into relationships than ever before.
Marriage for Everyone
This choice was best epitomized when The Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013 was passed in the UK on 29th March 2014. This was followed by the US in 2015 when the Supreme Court ended all same-sex marriage bans and legalized the union across all 50 states. Many other countries had same-sex marriage legalized before this and many have followed since.
This symbolizes how important freedom and equality has become in modern relationships. Over the decade, there has been an acceptance of breaking away from the norm and embracing diverse relationships alongside a decreased emphasis on traditional marriage.
The Detection of Fake News
While we were becoming more accepting, there was a growing mistrust against big corporations and fake news brewing amongst the general public. In 2016, the term ‘fake news’ was coined and grew due to the influx of online content and rise of news being shared on social media. Publications had to be more competitive with the content that they wrote which created clickbait.
According to the BBC, the phenomenon of fake news can strangely be traced back to a town in Macedonia called Veles. Coinciding with the 2016 US election which became the centre of news everywhere, young people in Veles created false election stories to gain revenue via Facebook advertising. Sensationalism had grown into something much more problematic and while not illegal was somewhat immoral. In response to public dismay regarding fake news, Facebook and Google implemented measures to combat fake news that same year.
Perhaps partly born out of the inundation of fake news, the authenticity of organizations had also become something of huge importance over the last decade. Dismantling long-held leading corporations and being more concerned with supporting the ‘little guy’ than ever before forms a large part of millennials’ relationships with brands and organizations today.
In 2018, American Think Tank Pew Research found that millennial consumers want to know what is in the products they buy and where they come from. Further back, in 2016, AdAge reported that 75 million U.S. millennials do not like being advertised to and that brands need to drive authenticity as well as being real and genuine. In the UK, Accenture described modern consumers as favoring what a brand says, does and stands for over price in 2018.
So what effect is filtering through the fakery having on how we form relationships? We are seeking qualities such as being authentic and genuine in people as well as in brands. Millennials are in no rush to walk down the aisle and invest in building a life with solely one person. Instead, we want to trial and error until we find the qualities that we’re looking for and the characteristics that will complement our own personalities and life goals, and if it doesn’t happen, we are willing to wait.
2020 and the Significance of Varied Relationships
The combination of these events erupting over the last 10 years has constructed a society that realizes the importance of meaningful and diverse relationships. Centered on the individual, relationships are more about creating a solid network of strong connections as opposed to putting all hopes into forming a life with one single person or developing a huge online network of strangers. Choice is one thing but now more than ever my generation is learning how to choose.
We aspire to have a variety of human connections as we know the benefits that this provides in all aspects of life including work, mental, physical and emotional health and leisure. Yes, more choice can be difficult and stressful, but if utilized correctly it leads to a richer life with more variety and grants us the greatest gift a person can receive: freedom.
Credit: Tali Ramsey
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